Objectophilia - the things we love

Objectophilia – the things we love

What have all of these got in common? Duvet. Car. Railway station. The Eiffel Tower. Hologram. Doll. Full marks if your answer was “they’re all automatically suggested when you google ‘man marries’ or ‘woman marries’”. Welcome to the world of objectophilia.
Objectophiles fall in love with with objects. There doesn’t have to be a sexual element, and so it’s not the same as a fetish. Instead people with objectophilia believe that the object of their love returns it, and does so telepathically.

Many objectophiles regard the Swedish woman Eija-Riitta as a pioneer in raising awareness, and beginning the road to general acceptance of objectophilia. Following her ‘marriage’ in 1974 she officially changed her name to Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, a giveaway for German speakers that she married the Berlin Wall. Whether the fall of the wall in 1989 rendered her a widow is less clear.

Berliner-Mauer does seem at least to have been sincere in her belief, and her feelings. Many other alleged ‘objectophiles’ have in fact had other reasons. Some, like Aaron Chernevak who married his smartphone in the Little Vegas Chapel in Las Vegas in 2016, wanted to make a point – in this case about how dependent people feel upon their phones. Others are engaging in it more as art – such as Tracy Emin and her rock, which was literally a large stone in her garden. It was, she explained, always going to be there for her.

Less fortunate in that respect was Amanda Teague, whose marriage lasted just one year before she sought a divorce. Sadly she found that her partner Jack was “taking far too much energy and literally draining me and pretty much just using me for his own selfish intentions”.

What marked out Jack’s previous history of bad behaviour was that it was largely confined to 250 years before, as he was the 300 year old ghost of a Haitian pirate. Amanda had married him in 2018 in international waters off of the coast of Ireland, with a psychic standing in for the pirate himself.

The extent to which any of this publicity was a happy accident for Amanda’s business, impersonating Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean, remains a moot point.

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